Do You Walk To Work or Do You Take Your Lunch?

Do you walk to work, or do you take your lunch?  

This is the question my mother would always ask me if I was being unclear. As an adult, I have learned that when I am not being clear about something, I have an unconscious agenda of wanting my needs to be met and am fearful they won’t be. The need you wish to be fulfilled could be feeling heard, feeling safe when you feel vulnerable, feeling accepted or any other number of things.

Have you ever asked someone a question and they give you a lengthy response with out answering the question?

We all do this from time to time. I consider this to be a very subtle, and sometimes not so subtle, way that we control or manipulate and is usually unconscious technique. What we are really saying is, “If I am clear about what I need, what I want or what my opinion is, I run the risk of not getting my need/desire met.”

The fact is we all have common needs. Some of the most basic and primitive needs above and beyond food, water and shelter, are the need to feel accepted, loved, respected and appreciated. Most of us, on some level, fear abandonment or rejection. Fear of abandonment and rejection play major roles in the way we communicate with one another.

How would your life change if you were always clear about what you wanted or how you felt?

When we speak up, people know they can count on us to be truthful with them. The people we are in relationship with feel safer and lighter because there is no need to “read between the lines” with us. Being clear is a way to create a feeling of authentic safety in a relationship; relationship with others and relationship with self. We teach ourselves through action that we are able to get our needs met through truth telling.

Every time we open our mouths we choose whether or not we will give in to fear. It is possible that you have never considered this and the choices you have made were on an unconscious level. I encourage you to shed light on the ways that you choose to be unclear in your life. From now on, when you are called to open up about your needs and desires, be truthful. Be truthful with yourself and be truthful with others. If you feel afraid, reflect on if your fears are rational. Often times they are not. And with practice, just like anything else, this process gets easier and easier and you will ultimately feel freer and freer.